Another Christmas done

2014 Christmas is done. Thank goodness.

I really don’t like this holiday anymore. There is no more magic in it for me. For many it is the happiest time of the year and with good reason. Spending time with family, seeing your children’s eyes light up on Christmas morning, the gift giving and receiving, everyone seems to be smiling.

So what the hell is my problem? It’s all me. I stress out about gifts, what to get the kids, how much to spend. What do kids like these days anyway? Will I be judged for giving a cheap or crappy gift? Will my┬ámom yell at grandma again? The anticipation of it all makes me so uneasy.

I get sad around the holidays too. It would be nice to have someone to exchange special, personal gifts with. Someone to kiss when the ball drops on New Years Eve. You get the idea.

With all my mental issues I tend to be a sad sack during these times. I try to stay away from everyone because I feel like I’m bringing their good time down. They don’t need to see me moping. I want everyone to have the best time they can and I can’t be part of it. Not yet at least.

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