Ever been so mad you wanted to punch a kitten? Well…me neither but I’ve been close. All to often it is some mouth breathing moron who drives me to such rage. It happens when:
–I order a buttered bagel and there is half an inch of butter on one side none on the other. Spread it out you douche! Same thing with an egg sandwich, is it that hard to put ketchup on the whole thing?! Maybe spread the bacon out a little? Then you have the nerve to have a tip jar on the counter. Here’s a tip, do your damn job the right way!
–A newspaper is full of dopey puns. “Cuomo Beats Weiner”, “Tiger Puts Balls In Wrong Hole”. Give it up. Do you writers sit around and congratulate each other after you come up with such drivel? Just read the NY Post, it’s full of that nonsense.
–Everybody wins! I hear about kids today playing sports where there is no score. Who wins? Everybody wins! Are we that afraid of hurting their self-esteem? What about the kids who put real effort into playing? Why do we have to cater to the lowest common denominator? And stop with the participation trophies dammit!
–The twit in the Mercedes makes a right turn from the left lane. Or that BMW cuts me off in traffic…no one is moving you ass! What exactly do you think you will accomplish by jumping lanes? I really believe the more expensive the car, the less driving skill they have
–Portmanteaus (look it up) referring to men. Bromance. Manscaping. Manbag. Mangina. Murse. Just stop it!
–People put “gate” after anything controversial. Like deflategate and bridgegate. Watergate happened over 40 years ago. Seriously folks, let it go.
–commercials use ordinary everyday objects for “music”. Kit-Kat is a big offender. And that one for faucets where the guy was running water on various pots and pans. Not really sure why this pisses me off so much…but there it is.
–Everyone is staring at the goddamn phone! My friend invites me to his house, myself and three other people are sitting around the fire pit and everybody is looking down at their phone. Nobody speaks, everyone is hypnotized by the little screen. Damn kids and their crazy gadgets.
Ahh, glad to get that off my chest even though I know I am the only one reading this.